My girlfriend and I have what I would have considered to be the perfect relationship. We moved in together in January, and I thought it was going to be a dream. We love each other. We have similar hobbies. We are both obsessed with our dogs. Living with my best friend who is also my partner felt like a no-brainer.

However, since the move in we have had our first real disagreement, and we can't seem to resolve it. Yesterday it became our first real fight. My girlfriend thinks I eat too much.

When we first moved in we went shopping together. I bought an 18 egg carton, and she thought that was too many, and I joked it wasn't enough. She said okay, she'll just have to bake something. She was shocked by how much we spent, and I reminded her that we are two people now and paid for all the groceries. On my day off she saw that I used six eggs to make scrambled eggs for breakfast, and she couldn't believe it. I told her not to worry, that I can run by the store and get more eggs tomorrow if we run out. She thought it was ridiculous to eat six eggs worth of scrambled eggs, but she accepted my promise to buy more eggs.

This has come up several more times. Sunday, I went grocery shopping. I saw a bag of frozen ravioli for sale and bought it on impulse because it looked good. Yesterday, after I got home from work, I was hungry and made the ravioli. I ate all of it.

When my girlfriend got home from work she asked if I wanted to get a pizza for dinner. I said yes. She said I was probably starving, and I said I was hungry but not starving, because I ate ravioli. She asked if it was the big bag from the freezer. I said yes. She said we can just eat the rest of it. I said I ate it all.

She couldn't believe that I ate enough ravioli for four people (bag says serves four). I said I was hungry. She said there was no point getting dinner now. I asked why. She said I couldn't be hungry after eating enough ravioli for four people (she kept saying this over and over again, enough for four people). I said I was. She was upset, and I asked what exactly she wanted me to do or have done. She said I should have just waited for her so we could eat together. I said we can eat together and that I'm hungry.

She didn't believe me. I ended up just going to get the pizza. She told me not to, but I went anyway. I got her favorite pizza (spinach alfredo) and mine (regular with onions and jalapeno). She ate her pizza, but she also said she was upset that I was "forcing myself to eat to prove a point" and that she just wants me to stop being so "greedy and impatient." She said she wants to share meals with me like a normal couple. She said we should have been able to split one pizza.

I just don't get it. If I'm hungry and there is food, I am going to eat. If there is something she wants to save, tell me. I won't eat that. But I will eat something. I'm not going to go hungry. Am I an ass for that?

Answers: I keep answering questions, and people keep asking them again. Maybe my responses are invisible.

I am 6'2", 192lbs, and my job is very physical (sometimes). I run with our dogs a lot and I work out a lot. I am not fat. Most of my weight is muscle.

We do not have shared finances. When I buy food it's me paying for it. I try to go to the grocery store twice a week, so I buy most of the food. Since I eat way more than her, this feels fair to me.

Me, 33F, have a unique living situation, where for the last couple months I've been hosting 38M my situationship. Since two months his brother 36M? has also been living with us. 38 pays 1/4 utilities and 1/3 of my mortgage as rent, which is a generous deal, but a) we get along, b) follows all my rules (we are both vegetarian, he never invites people over, he cleans up a lot- literally loads my dishes too etc)

I also love spending time with his brother, he spent a weekend with us and we had such a blast I invited him to stay with us for a few months. He eats meat but never brings it home, is super clean and respectful, he cooks so well. I am an emergency radiologist and he has a freelance type tech job so we both stay home and I am also sharing my workspace with him. We go climbing together a lot.

Overall the last three months have been the best of my life, the 3 of us have daily dinners and board games

My sister, 35F showed up at my door 30 mins after texting me. She brought my nieces 10 F and 6 F. She was VERY disturbed by my living situation and that I'm living with "random" guys. (I met my situationship via an old ex, we got in contact when he was looking for a place to stay in my city temporarily then we started hanging out)

I have a 5 bed 4 bath, first floor bedroom with a separate door where 38M stays, first floor workspace with a couch/bed, second floor massive open type room where I sleep (and work nights), 36 has a mini bedroom on the smaller third floor, opposite that is my guest/craft room where I put my sister. These two rooms share a bathroom.

I did not have time to prepare for her but I have two twin beds in the room I put them in. I told 10F she could sleep in the couch/bed in my study, or sleep with me. My sister is really mad at me for exposing her daughters to "strange men," making them "share a bathroom" and that I am perverted for sleeping with brothers. (later she apologized for this remark because I have no romantic feelings towards 36M)

But we got into an argument and she went to my mom's place (one bed one bath) where obviously they didn't have room. They've been calling me non stop during my workday to tell me to kick my friends out. I said it's my sister's job to watch out for her kids, I would not be hanging out with men I thought were r*pists, but I only know them for a few months so I would not leave the girls alone with them. I am just being sensible, 38M is kind of my boyfriend at the moment but I've known him for 8 months. They have three sisters so they would understand even if I told them I don't want them alone with my nieces. (for now)

My sister is mad that she can't leave her kids with me during the day but she couldn't have done that anyway because when I work from home I need to focus a 100%.

She also regularly fights with her husband and goes running back to him. We grew apart over the last few years because the only topic she can talk about is her failed marriage, and I had enough of that from my mother. I told her if the girls stay with dad while they get divorced she can come stay with me, and we can work something out. this pissed her off even more, but I genuinely believe they need stability, my home is not an option because I don't wanna kick out my friends, and I literally can't do my work from home days when the girls are home (they are a handful lol)

Hi everyone who will see this update!

I will start this of by saying that I’m very grateful for all the responses my post got, I tried responding to people and read all the comments, but I honestly got overwhelmed with all the attention it got, but still incredibly happy that so many wanted to help/give their opinion!

So, for the update, I added this in the edit I made on the original post, but the short answer I got was that he was embarrassed. His friend had made a few comments about how different me and my husband take care of her and how much more my husband struggles with her.

I’m sorry if this update makes no sense, we talked about very much later yesterday and we both brought up so many points, so I will share those down here, again I’m sorry.

1, I brought up his lack of understanding for the work I put in to be a good mother, also brought up that he always criticize my parenting but never tries to parent himself. He argued that I had taken the lead in parenting, forcing him to be a background character. This stems from the fact that he wanted to gentle parent to what I saw as an extreme. He wanted us to forbid the usage of the word ”no”, other ways of telling her ”don’t” or discipline in any way. I refused this, I’m not strict or anything, but for gods sake, I need to be able to tell my child to stop doing stuff, especially when that can cause her harm. Still, he felt like I had pushed him out of the way, which I didn’t. He still parents her like that when they are alone, I just refuse to parent her that way.

2, He himself brought up that the way he has behaved during these last weeks was not appropriate and he told me he was very sorry for that. He told me he had thought it all over, but he also still felt like I played a big part in how he has felt and acted.

3, I brought up how whenever we go somewhere, our daughter becomes my sole responsibility and he just gives up on being a parent. To this point, I also brought up that before we had our daughter, he hated the idea of becoming the kind off dad he saw his family members be when he was little, but he had turned out to be just like that. He denied that and told me that he wasn’t like that, because when our daughter shows him things or talks to him, he interacts with her when we are out. I told him that is the bare minimum. He disagreed and wanted me to drop that.

4, He backtracked from what he told me yesterday morning. From going from that he felt embarrassed to that I had gone out of my way to try and embarrass him on purpose apparently. This is not true and I explained my reasons to him. He still felt like I had refused to come with him just to make him look like a bad father infront of his friend.

We talked so much more, but I feel like that was the most important stuff. So in conclusion, he still feels like I am wrong, he is right. I can’t say anything to change his mind, he refuses marriage counseling or to take action to any of my points... I don’t really know what to do from here, I feel disappointed and frustrated with the whole situation.

This will probably be the only update I make to this because I don’t think this situation will improve in any way unfortunately.

Thanks again to all of you, even if the situation didn’t improve I still feel a whole lot more confident in myself and where I stand.

I (26F)have been with my boyfriend (29M) for almost 3 years. For context, my mom raised me alone after my dad left when I was 6. We’re very close. She’s not overbearing, but she is protective. My boyfriend has always said she’s too involved in my life, but honestly, she barely interferes. She doesn’t show up unannounced, she doesn’t control my decisions, She just checks in a lot. Last weekend, I planned a surprise birthday dinner for him. I booked a small restaurant, invited his close friends, even paid the deposit myself because he’s been stressed financially lately.
Before the dinner my mom called to wish him happy birthday. I put it on speaker while we were getting ready. She was just being sweet telling him she hopes he has a great year and that she’s proud of how hard he works. After I hung up he laughed and said, Your mom acts like she’s my second girlfriend. It’s kind of embarrassing.
I thought he was joking but he kept going. He said it’s weird how close we are and that when we get married he expects me to prioritize my real family. That really hit me.
I told him my mom is my real family, He rolled his eyes and said You know what I mean. I suddenly didn’t feel excited about the dinner anymore. I felt embarrassed and hurt. I ended up canceling the reservation and told his friends something came up. He found out and was furious. He said I overreacted and ruined his birthday over a joke. Now his friends are texting me saying I was petty and could’ve just talked to him later.
He hasn’t apologized. He says I’m proving his point that I let my mom control my emotions. My mom doesn’t even know any of this.
Now I’m wondering if I let my feelings get the best of me. It was a big night for him and I did pull the plug last minute.

AITAH for canceling his birthday dinner after that comment?

For a quick context my 28F husband 36M has a daughter Leah 16 with his ex Linda 38F they split when Leah was about 7 and I married my husband two years ago. I used to work in an office so I had to bring food to my job but I work from home now so I still believe all the lunchboxes and stuff. I'm only calling Leah my stepdaughter for the post but she just calls me auntie.

Well, Leah came home one day shaking and very pale so I asked her what happened to her and she told me she didn't eat anything because she hates her school food and she doesn't eat breakfast because school starts too early, I felt so bad for her and made her something to eat and then I asked her if she wanted me to make her a quick lunch for her to take to school and she said yes. So I prepared a quick lunch for her, a little sandwich, some fruit and some dip with veggies and some chips and a juice, she loved it and came home to hug me and told me everyone was praising her lunch.

I made her a lunch every day she was with us last year. School just started again but she's currently with her mom, Linda called my husband and told her she tolerated my 'antics' last year but I can stop playing mom now, because she doesn't like it and Leah should just suck it up and eat what the school provides because she does have time to compete with my bullishit.

Well, Leah is coming home tomorrow and I asked her if she wants me to stop the lunches and that I would apologize if I overstep, she asked me to please don't stop and that she loves them. She said her mom is mad because she asked her mom for some ingredient to make her own lunches in her house and Linda refused

I talked with my husband and we agreed on not stopping because there's nothing wrong with what I'm doing and now he has to talk with his ex about it.

I feel a little guilty now because I know Linda would cause some sort of trouble with my husband because of this but at the same time I don't want to stop just because she doesn't like it so wibtah?

Edit: I will talk to my husband tonight after he gets home from work. After reading the comments and remembering things after responding to some comments I realized this is overdue. I feel like we should've done something earlier because Leah's well being should be our top priority not whether or Linda would throw a tantrum.

Thank you for helping me see everything clearer I'll show this post to my husband as well tonight

Also to clarify some things:

1. Leah is 16 and she can make her own lunches: yes she can and she does sometimes but I like doing it for her just to pamper her a little bit.
2. Why don't you buy her the ingredients for her mom's house: my husband tried, even offered to buy another fridge when Linda said it would take up all the space in there but then she still refused to accept it.
3. Leah should live with just me and my husband: maybe but at the end of the day it's her decision, I'll talk to my husband and we'll talk to her later in the week but we can't really force her if she wants to continue going to her mom's

AITAH for reacting badly when my boyfriend suggested bringing his mom on what I planned as a couples trip?

Hi, I (23F) live with my boyfriend (24M) at his mom’s house. We moved in during a financially difficult time while my own mom was battling cancer. She passed away last year, and we’re planning to move out soon, but for now we share space with his mom and younger siblings.

Because of that living situation, I sometimes feel like we don’t really get intentional one on one time as a couple, only in our room.

Recently I planned a Sunday trip and made it clear it was meant to be just the two of us. When I mentioned renting a car, his first instinct was to ask if his mom could come since we’d have transportation. It wasn’t pushy, just a suggestion, but it immediately deflated me…Part of why it hit me hard is that during a previous family outing, the mood became tense due to complaints about costs, and it left me feeling uncomfortable. So when I try to create couple only time and the first reaction is to expand the group, it makes me feel like that space isn’t prioritized (also that is the first pay of my new job i just wanna do somenthing special for us)

I reacted quickly and said no. Then I escalated by saying things like “I knew you were going to say that.” He says I overreacted and assumed intent. I admit I got defensive fast! (He maybe try to often to add family to my ideas to eat o going outside)…

I don’t dislike his mom, and I understand including family. But living in the same house already makes it hard to feel like we have our own space. Wanting intentional couple time feels important to me. AITAH for reacting badly in the moment?

I (29F) was asked by my friend to go to a concert with her because she didnt want to go by herself and I said yes.

On the day of the concert I had to work a 10hr shift. Due to how far the concert was I left straight after work. When I was 3 minutes away from the concert I called her and asked where she was so that way we can go in together. She stated she was inside getting food. I said ok im parking the car.

Mind you i got there 45 minutes before the concert even started. After going through security I texted her and ask where she was. She stated she had went to the floor where people were standing by the left exit sign. I said ok and was making my way down the stairs to the floor.

I went by the exit sign and didnt see her so I texted her letting her know I didnt see her anywhere. I even walked to the other side where the second exit sign was and still did not see her. She text me saying she is all the way infront on the floor and for me to just tell people excuse me and they gone move.

Mind u its dark and I get really nervous and have bad anxiety when it comes to crowds and being around bunch of people I do not know. I am more of an introvert not an extrovert. I text her saying im down on the floor but I dont see u anywhere I said excuse me to people but I still didnt see her.

I text her letting her know that my anxiety was getting to me and that I feel very weird and awkward. She kept texting saying lmao and that even though we aren't next to each other at least we are in the same place. I felt very nervous, awkward, alone and way out of my comfort zone.

She knows that when I get like this I will leave. So I sent her text and said I cant find you anywhere so im just going to head home I hope u have fun. On my way back home she text me 30 min later saying did u leave and I said yes.

On the drive home I kept feeling like if u were going to drive there without me and enter the concert without me and get food without me and go down to the floor without me then what was the point of inviting me. AITH?

I had a best friend, Tara 26f We’d been close for almost 8 years. I was there for her through everything, breakups, losing her job, family issues, even letting her stay at my apartment for three months rent free when she had nowhere else to go. I never kept score because that’s just what friends do. Last year, I went through something deeply personal. I was diagnosed with severe depression after struggling silently for years. Only a few people knew, and Tara was one of them. I trusted her completely. I cried in front of her, something I’ve never done in front of anyone else. She promised she’d always protect my privacy. A few months ago, Tara started dating this guy who didn’t like me. I could tell he felt threatened by how close we were. Slowly, she started pulling away. She would cancel plans and only reach out when she needed something. Then one night, I got a message from a mutual friend asking if I was “okay” because Tara had told people at a small gathering that I was mentally unstable and emotionally dependent on her. She apparently framed it like she had been carrying me for years and that I would spiral without her. I was shocked, Not only was that untrue, I had supported her more than anyone but she revealed my diagnosis without my consent. Something I trusted her with during my lowest point. I confronted her privately. She didn’t apologize. She said she was just being honest and that maybe I was too sensitive about it. She also said I should be grateful she put up with me during my bad times. That broke something in me. I told her that sharing my mental health struggles like gossip was a betrayal. She rolled her eyes and said I was proving her point. After that I blocked her on everything. I didn’t announce it publicly. I just walked away. Now some mutual friends are saying I overreacted and that I should have communicated better instead of cutting her off. They think ending an 8 year friendship over one mistake is extreme. But to me it wasn’t one mistake. It was Violating my trust, Sharing private medical information, Dismissing my feelings, Turning my vulnerability into a weapon.

AITAH for deciding that someone who weaponizes my lowest moments doesn’t deserve access to me anymore?

My husband and I are both in our 20's and recently had to replace our flooring. We wanted to do it fast as we have a child and a small dog, so we ripped up the old flooring the night before and finished the new floor the next day. All that was left was to tile up the bottom of the wall 2 inches to act as baseboards.

Note* We talked about doing this after we finished the floor and he agreed that would be a good idea.

Fast forward to the next day, I decided to do exactly that, I cut all the pieces perfectly and stuck them on there, nicely spaced, and matching up with the spacing of the floor, plus I cleaned the house, vacuumed and mopped (i didn't mop the new floor as the grout was still drying).

He comes home and sees the work I did and starts fuming he's so mad, he said that I should've said I was gonna do that before I did it (I did) and he shunned me for the night after yelling at me.

Today I get home form work and he barely says goodbye to me as he leaves for work.

I don't understand why that was such a bad thing, I was just trying to help and I was really proud of what a good job I had done. I still feel that it looks good as it was done right but he hates me now.

I don't know what to do

Am I the asshole?

To set the stage for context lets call my partner Bree.

Bree and I went out for dinner a few days ago, mildly fancy place, with those type of windows that go from the floor to the roof. We arrive at the place and go in, as we wait for our host to come and sit us at our table i see out of the corner of my eye that someone is approaching the door that’s right behind me, I turn halfway and open the door while moving out of the way, the lady says thanks, i nod, and the lady enters and goes to the table where her party is at. Our host then comes and sits us at our table.

Fast Forward a few days and while on another subject she says “and dont believe that im not mad about you opening the door for that lady still”. I paused, and asked why that was a problem?… She didn’t like that. So now she’s arguing how there was no need for me to do that, while I’m arguing that I was just taught that you should always open the door for a lady and that it’s just a courtesy on my behalf since it costs meno effort and in this scenario move out of the way either way.

AITAH?

For some context, my husband is not expected or asked to do any sort of household chore. He contributes nothing towards dishes, vacuuming, laundry, or overall cleaning of anything in any room. He only goes to work and comes home. I also work 40 hours a week. He works second shift at a factory and disrobes at the foot of the bed and that is where his uniforms lay. His company only provided four uniforms, so having to wash them is a frequent chore. His dirty laundry basket is literally within arm's reach inside the closet door. One morning while he slept, I picked up the uniforms and washed them. I did not check the pockets and accidentally washed his wallet. I felt terrible because it had some photos of his little brother that had died.

From that point forward, I informed him that if he wanted me to continue washing his laundry, that only clothes in his basket would get washed. One night I stepped over a pile of uniforms to get his laundry basket. There was only some socks and some underwear in the basket and that was what got washed. The following day, I was at work and got a phone call from him that he didn't have any clean uniforms and why didn't I wash them. In the most innocent voice I could muster, I told him I had washed what was in the basket; where they not in the basket? He hung up on me.

So, AITAH for not doing my husband's laundry? I sort of feel bad. But then I feel mad for feeling bad.

Like most posters, I don't believe ITAH. However, more often than not, I have said or done AH things without realizing it. So, I'm looking for the judgement anonymous people on reddit; deciding whether or not I was an AH.

Edit: Didn't realize I forgot the TLDR (sorry), so here it is:

TLDR; Gave my ex-wife over a year and a half to get her stuff. She didn't and now I'm telling her to remove it, or I will dispose of it. She's called me an AH because she's recently gotten sick and stating that I should take that in intoto account.

Preface

My ex and I have been officially divorced for 6 months. We were separated for 14 months prior to our divorce being finalized (20 months total). Before the end of our marriage, we purchased a home together and lived in that home for 3 years. After my Ex asked for a divorce, my she decided to move in with her new "boyfriend" two (2) months after our separation.

No, we were not in a poly or open relationship. My Ex was simply cheating on me. I am not asking for anybody to pass judgement on my Ex for the cheating. However, I believe this is an important factor for my judgement as normally, in this type of situation, some AHs tend to be vindictive. IMO, I don't believe I was but felt that this could be a factor which is why I'm including this fact.

Anyhow, this move by her was over a long distance (800+ miles) and resulted in my Ex leaving a significant amount of her personal property behind. During the next 12 months as our divorce proceedings continued, I organized my ex's belonging into a singular room of the house (living room) which took up more than 50% of the space. I also let her know during this separation period about her property being consolidated and recommended she make plans to get it. I never really pushed the issues since technically (and legally) she was also a co-owner on the property and could store her belongings in "our" home at the time.

AITHA situation

In our divorce settlement, I retained sole ownership of the house. Once the judge signed off and the divorce was filed, I immediately notified my ex that she needed to remove her belongings from my home (yes, I was being petty). Initially she made several vague promises never locking in a date, but I gave her some leeway. On two separate occasions, during child custody exchanges, she had me bring a couple of things to her or grabbed up a couple of things from the property. So, I never restricted or put barriers in the way, in fact I assisted in some part.

The beginning of last month marked the 4 1/2 month point since our divorce. At this time, I was tired of her stuff taking nearly 50% of my living room. This was inhibiting me from being effectively using or setting up my living room properly. I drafted a letter formally requesting that she remove her belongings from my property by the 6-month mark. If not removed, I would consider her property as abandoned.

Three days ago, was the 6-month mark. So, once again, I sent her another letter stating she has 5-days to provide me a concrete day to get her belongings within the next 30 days (a bonus 30 days), otherwise I will proceed with my own actions to sell, dispose, or donate the property left behind.

(Now, here is where I believe the factors for me being an AH)

Over the past 2-3 months my Ex has been stating that her health has declined significantly. According to her she is in the early stages of Cancer (I have not done anything to confirm this as fact). While she had always been generally sick (even while we were together) from various illnesses, she had always capable of participating in a variety of activities (multiple vacations, long distance travel, etc.). Don't get me wrong, I understand Cancer is a debilitating disease, and I'm not trying to downplay it or call her a liar. I don't have the expectation that she will personally, come to my house and move all her property on her own. However, her response to my notification today accused me of not taking her health into account and that basically I'm being an AH about it.

While I understand her illness makes this process difficult now; she had more than 20 months, most of which (from my perspective) appearing more than capable, to make appropriate arrangement to get her belongings. Just because she has gotten worse in the past few months, (IMO) does not mean I should simply allow her an undefined or indefinite storage of her belongings within my home. I feel the phrase "your lack of planning is not my emergency" fits this scenario well. IMO, she had plenty of time to plan long before her illness worsened and family and friend whom, I believe, would help if she asked. Heck, I even offered alternatives and assistance (i.e. putting her property in temporary storage, letting her borrow my trailer, etc.), but she has never accepted or offered any other solution.

So, I ask you random reddit strangers.

AITAH for telling my Ex-Wife to get her stuff or I will get rid of it for her.

I’m sorry this is so long, and I’d like to please ask everyone to be kind, I have Autism and I do struggle with complex emotional situations like this.

(Throwaway because I’ll probably start WW3 if she sees this…)

I (19F) recently moved into my boyfriend’s (22M) spare room. He lives with his brother “Aidan” and their friend “Brody.”

For context, I left my previous rental because my housemate became increasingly aggressive, was smoking weed inside despite me asking him not to etc. It escalated to the point where I felt unsafe and was staying at my boyfriend’s place most nights anyway because my mental health was really suffering.

“Aidan” has a girlfriend, “mia.” mia and my boyfriend (I’ll call him “james”) have never really gotten along. She’s had blow-up arguments with him before over things like him cooking downstairs in his own house and waking her up while she was staying there as a guest. I’ve mostly stayed out of it.

When James and I discussed me moving into the spare room, Mia pushed back for various reasons. I was told she planned to move into that room in about two months (by then they would have had an empty room for 4ish months)

Eventually, James had a long conversation with Aidan, Mia, and their mum. He explained my situation and the urgency of needing somewhere stable to live.

After that, Mia said she had reconsidered and decided to stay in her current lease and find other housemates instead of moving in.

So I moved into the spare room.

Give or take a month later, it was Aidan’s birthday. Everyone went out to dinner but I was working. I work in healthcare, and that day had been especially taxing, including a patient death and a funeral. I finished at 10pm and was invited to meet them at a bar in the city.

In hindsight, I probably should’ve just gone home, but I felt low and wanted to see James. I arrived straight from work in scrubs. Only two people really acknowledged me, and only one actually spoke to me. I received several dirty looks from Mia and felt uncomfortable enough that I left shortly after.

The next day, James was invited to the beach with Aidan, Brody, and Mia. When he mentioned I wouldn’t be able to come, someone said, “Oh yeah, that’s the point. Mia obviously doesn’t like OP.” I was in the room when that was said, and naturally felt very hurt and excluded hearing this.

I was really upset and cried to James about how I felt. He went and asked his mum for advice. She spoke to Mia and Aidan, and I had HOPED things might settle.

Unfortunately

that night Mia sent James a long message saying I’ve “overstayed my welcome” and that I need to apologise to her for taking “her” room, among other things but completely dismissing how I felt and denying that she had excluded me, saying that she had even been the bigger person to invite me to aidans birthday dinner.

James has been trying to keep things peaceful, but Mia doesn’t seem willing to acknowledge her part in anything. I have drafted an apology to smooth things over for the sake of james and his family, but she says she needs space for the next month and doesn’t want to talk to me until then.

Is there anything I can do here?

AITAH for moving into the spare room and causing tension? Should I be apologising for this?

EDIT:

Hi everyone, thank you for your advice I really appreciate it, and I will be taking on both positive and negative feedback.

For clarity,

This is a rental property where 4 people reside: Myself, James, Aidan and Brody. Everyone including me contributes to rent equally.

My sister in law *EDIT this is my husbands sister* (23F) just found out shes 9 weeks pregnant. She has 3 kids at home (4F) (2F) (8moF) the older two are from a deadbeat- he’s never had them overnight, hardly ever sees them, and hasn’t paid a lick of child support for months. He left in the middle of the night when her middle was only 6 months old to be with another woman.

Her youngest is 8 months old and the baby daddy is in a different state- he is not coming back to home state because he has a warrant and his father just got diagnosed with a terminal illness and he wants to stay with him. This guy isn’t any better than the last, he is not supportive in anyway. He does not help with finances- if anything he wants her to pay him money and send him and his family food. She doesn’t work- her mother pays for her rent and everything she needs. Barely. They are barely scrapping by with the money she gets from food stamps and the money from her mother.

So why bring another baby into this mess.. I know it’s her decision and not everyone supports abortion, but there are other options. I very nicely told her that keeping this baby is selfish. She’s already struggling with severe anxiety, depression, derealization, severe migraines, etc.. She will have 4 under 5, a single mother and no help from the baby daddies. She’s already told me she doesn’t support abortion and won’t give the baby up for adoption. She asked me to help her so she can sleep once she has the baby (like come watch her kids) and it just made me mad. SO AITAH?! Obviously I can’t convince her to do anything she doesn’t want to do, and I don’t want her to resent me. I want her to be able to come to me when she needs me, but where does it stop?! How do I help her?

I am a professional graphic designer. My friend, Mel 26, is getting married in June. As a wedding gift, I offered to design her entire stationery suite invites, menus, signage for free. This is usually a $1,500+ package in my business. I told her I’d do two rounds of revisions for free. Mel ended up sending me fourteen rounds of changes. I’m talking about changing the hex code of champagne by one digit because it didn't feel like a summer sunset. Because she’s a friend, I sucked it up and did it on my weekends. She finally approved the designs, and I sent her the high-res files to print. Two days later, she calls me crying because she decided to change her entire wedding theme from Boho Chic to Art Deco. She told me I needed to "scrap everything and start over" by Monday. When I told her I couldn't redo 40+ hours of work for free again, Mel lost it. She said since I'm a bridesmaid, it’s my duty to support her. I politely declined and said I could give her the names of other designers. Mel then demanded I pay her for the cost of the cardstock she already bought for the first design about $300 because she can’t use it now and it’s my fault for quitting the job. I responded by sending her an official invoice for the 40 hours I already worked at my standard hourly rate $75/hr, minus the $300 for her paper, and told her I won't be attending the wedding. My phone has been blowing up with our friend GC saying I’m being petty and ruining her big day over a hobby I do for work anyway.

AITAH ?

I (30M) have been with my girlfriend (28F) for a little over 4 years. We met in college, lived together in a rural area for a while, and things were good. A few months ago, she got a really strong job opportunity back in her home city (about 3 hours away), and because the career progression and pay were much better, she decided to move. I completely supported the decision.

I recently moved to join her so we could keep building our life together. The issue is that now my parents live much farther away. Since I can flex my work schedule, I’ve been going back home for a week each month, usually leaving early Sunday and returning the following Sunday.

My girlfriend is really upset about this. She says I’m spending 25% of my time away from her, and since weekends are the only days we both have off, I’m basically gone for two out of four weekends every month. She feels like we can’t establish a routine or do things together as a couple. A few times, she planned things for us during the week I was away, but I didn’t know. She told me afterward that even if she’d brought it up beforehand, she assumed I’d still choose to go home.

For context: I’m extremely close to my mom. She raised me alone until she remarried 10 years ago. My stepdad is great, but he works long hours and is only off work one day a week. My mom is alone most of the time. She also doesn’t like to drive and relies on me for appointments, grocery runs, taking her to see friends and other errands because she prefers having someone with her. I cherish the time I spend with her and miss her a lot.

Now I’m stuck feeling guilty for wanting to see my parents and frustrated that my girlfriend is angry about it. I don’t think my desire to visit them is unreasonable, but she feels like I’m prioritizing my family over our relationship.

AITAH for being upset that my girlfriend is angry about me visiting my parents so often?

Me and my boyfriend had been dating for 1 year now. Our anniversary was last week. We were just supposed go have dinner which we did and it was nice. After we were going back to his apartment and he said that he had a gift for me. When we got there I was immediately shocked to see a little basket with some cute little gifts along with a pandora ring. In the front of the basket was a king size Reese’s peanut butter cup. I am SUPER allergic to peanuts and he knew that. I asked him why he would get me them if he knew how allergic I am to peanuts and he said it’s just a gag gift. I got pretty upset and left shortly after. After talking with him he said he didn’t see anything wrong with giving that to me and I should learn to not be so sensitive. I told him that I don’t want to see him anymore. Did I over react was it really just a little joke? AITAH????

So I'm from Madagascar(if you're Malagasy you know where this is going). And people here especially the ones from the capital are really racist, like if you're black you're ugly, poor, so on and so on type of racist.

That classmate, she's the "whiter" side of black/ light skinned with straight hair and all. We were put together on a group project, I never really liked her, she was kind of a mean girl. We talked about the group project and idk how the conversation drifted to our type of man. She said "I won't date any black man, I don't wanna mess my blood line up" I said "well since you're black, nothing really changes". She then GETS MADDD like full of crashes out, "I'm not one of them, look at my skin", mind you I'm "whiter" than her, she said "you white too, you know what I mean". I said "nah, I'm black, black mom, black dad". I've NEVER heard her talk about "black" people before it's crazy.

Anyway, she's now talking shit about me behind my back and we asked the teacher if we could change our group and he accepted.

AITAH? And if you're from Madagascar, do you consider yourself black?

I (30F) and my husband (31M) are newly weds (married about 3 months) and dated for about 4 yras before that. I need to explain finances of my husbands family first. My FIL(63M) was laid off/retired about 2 yrs ago and he is on social security. My MIL (54F) is working since the last 5 yrs. She was a SATM till then so she doesn't have retirement savings of her own as my FIL was the breadwinner. All their money are in various joint accounts/assets.

My FIL has a tendency to have grandiose dreams which at first glance seem like reasonable desires, but he usually never has a clear plan to follow through these ideas. He also has erratic and selfish tendencies. At one point 15 years ago, he started a business that failed mainly from poor decision making and the family was in debt which they recovered from recently.

He has expressed that he wants to go back to our birth country India to do social services, donate and stay with extended family for last few years. Many people in our community do this when they retire as India is affordable, has good community and very cheap healthcare for old age. But a lot of what my FIL proposes is vague and sounds like he would burn all their savings and potentially get in debt. It would then become our burden to take care of them

During the holidays, he secretly took a flight to travel to India and sent a cryptic message about how he is trapped and to take care of his wife to my husband and my SIL. We immediately flew in to take care of her for a week. Since then, he was in India for over a month, was meeting various people for "business discussions". Didn't bother to call unless my husband or MIL initiated it and was very rude and said things like I'm doing this to teach you all a lesson. After multiple calls he refused to change and he said he will come back but if my MIL disagrees to anything he will do it again.

My MIL has no clear clarity on expenses and what is going on (partly her fault for not knowing all account details). She believes that his behavior is due to thyroid issue which he has been diagnosed with for over 20 yrs, though no research or any doctor has mentioned erratic behavior or confused speech as a symptom. She is strongly against therapy, divorce or any compromise like visiting India for 1-2 months a year long term.

My husband go laid off 3 months ago and is actively trying to find a job. My MIL and sometimes my FIL call him everyday to mediate conversations and stupid argumemts and squabbles for over 2-3hrs a day. They don't even tackle the main issue and try ro find a compromise, its just rehashing some petty argument from ages ago. This has been going on for almost 2 months now. Me and my husband keep saying that this cannot continue and it is not our responsibility to do resolve every minor aspect of this disagreement. They usually apologize and go back to doing the same thing next day. It is seriously affecting our peace and wasting a lot of time which my husband could use for interview prep or job applying. We will be in a bad situation financially if my husband doesn't get a job in another 3 months.

Now they r saying, they will come visit us for 2 weeks to resolve all issue in person to not inconvenience us daily. But i know this will not solve anything and will create more issues. I lost my cool and told them they are not welcome here and are selfish.

My husband thinks I went too far and could have been nicer. My family thinks I should be corsial and supportive. My MIL/FIL think I'm the new rude and evil DIL.

Note: My in laws and us live in different coasts. So either of us meeting involves over a 6 hrs expensive flight. We are tight on money right now

Tldr: in laws had a falling out and use my husband as mediator and punching bag daily. Husband laid off so we have plenty of problems on our own.

I have been with my husband for 8 years. We have a 2yo daughter together.

So, for the first 6 years of our relationship, my husband could not hold a job down to save his life. It truly did not bother me the way some people would think. I was in the medical field, made very good money and he didnt ask for much. He was also very good to me. So, zero issues. But it was linked to untreated ADHD and depression.

During these 6 years, I was paying all of our bills; and as much as I hate to put it out there, I was all but supporting his family as well. His sister and brother specifically, whom are both older than me and my husband by 4+ years, and while less frequent, his mom. During those 6 years I had given these people right around $50k. Money for mortgage payments and car payments and food and sports fees for their children, etc etc. It adds up super quick. Never once did I ask for repayment. It didnt actually bother me until the end of year 6, when my MIL showed up on my doorstep for a drop in family meeting and told me that "the whole family" needed to chip in for one of the other families lawyer fees and after I generously hand over $3k, I found out that I was the only one who actually contributed. That was a gut punch and was absolutely the last straw. I haven't given any of them a dime sense. But again, it didnt bother me UNTIL that point and I instantly took care of it and said no more. My husband was fully on my side (he told me to stop helping them prior) but I absolutely got push back from the family. Around this time I found out I was also 6 months pregnant (wasnt showing, still had my cycle, etc).

So fast forward.. my husband gets on meds for ADHD, gets fully involved in therapy, went for his trucking license and has been working steady since I was roughly 8 months pregnant. Has only missed one shift (the day I went in to labor) and is doing kick ass. Meds were an absolute game changer. I have been a SAHM ever since. Husband makes around 4x more than I was making at the hospital as well.

Here's the problem.. my husband refuses to help his family out financially and for whatever reason, it has just been brought to my attention that I am being blamed for it. We had his entire family over for dinner and this is the first time we have been around the entire group in 2 years. They dont even call anymore. We hosted dinner, everything was going well. But then my MIL asked me when I was planning to return to work. I said I had no plan to until my daughter was in school. She said something like "that simply doesnt work". I questioned what she meant. Her and SIL both go in to how they feel it isnt fair to my husband that I have no income and roughly beat around the bush about me "not helping" financially the way I used to and that they can no longer depend on family for help. Which was their way of saying that their cash cow is gone and it bothers them. I reminded them that I contributed to their life for 6 years, totaling around $50k, and I did more than my fair share. MIL then tells me that she has "paid back more than that", because she has brought me old expired food bank food on several occasions (which we told her not to do) and brought over her old, partially broken 1930s furniture for us to have (which, again, we told her not to do). I told her that in no way was that repayment. On her alone I had given over $8k.

Anyways, this argument escalated to mainly MIL saying that it is unfair to my husband that I am contributing nothing to the household. I argued that I supported him and his entire family for 6 years. She said "surely he has paid you back. You haven't done anything in 2 years". So I snapped and said that paying rent for 2 years with zero financial contribution exceeding basics is in no way paying me back (when he shouldn't have to, because he wasnt the one using me financially) is not repayment and told everyone to "get the fuck out". Its important to note that my husband was NOT home for this. He had actually run to the store to get more of something that we ran out of. So he wasnt present or he would have stepped in. But after some back and forth and me just repeating to get out and them refusing, I said I was going to call the cops. They finally start leaving. I tell them they arent welcome back here and that we will be going no contact. They were gone by the time my husband got back home.

When I told him what happened, he went real quiet. He apologized for what they said and did while he was gone, but also tried justifying it. Saying that they likely just meant that they thought I should be working too to help him with bills. I asked why he was trying to downplay this and he said "because everyone knows that households cant survive on one income in 2026" and said something about how he could work less hours and spend more time with our kid if i got a job too (he works 50hr weeks, is always home before 5pm). Keep in mind he makes $140k a year and ALL our expenses do not exceed $4k monthly. This dude has a savings of almost $200k and we arent hurting for money at all. I cant speak to him right now, as I am absolutely disgusted with this entire situation. I need validation/clarification that I am not wrong here.

Edit: a lot of you are terrible at math, and thats fine. I will break it down because I guess I was confusing in my post. My husband's take home is $140k a year. Thats after taxes. Our bills dont exceed $4k a month. So 140k divided by 12 months is a little over $11k, meaning he has almost $8k a month he is able to save. $8k a month multiplied by 24 months (2 years) is $192k. Our rent is $1000, everything included. He has a motorcycle, car and truck that he is paying for. My vehicle is paid off. Again, all monthly expense is less than $4k. Now, I worked for 6 years and made roughly 4x less in take home pay. It was roughly $36k. Our rent was $650 a month, everything included. One vehicle at that time and one less person to feed. Our bills didnt exceed $1600 on the very high end. I gave his family $50k OVER THE SPAN OF 6 YEARS. Thats truly not that hard to do, at all. I dont know where the disconnect is on understanding the fact that this was over 6 years. Please think deeper before broadcasting that you cant understand math and accusing me of lying because you cant understand. Thank you.

So for context, I live at home with my mother, and we do love each other very much, but things have always been hard for us and we fight a lot. Money is the main root of our problems and it has always been tight since my Dad left. She has bounced around jobs and I have been waiting tables all throughout high school to get by. What little money we have left over after rent/utilities/loan payments/expenses, she usually spends on alcohol, which frustrates me but I know how hard she has it and usually I don’t complain (when I do we end up fighting). A few weeks ago I entered a sweepstakes from one of her accounts and won a thousand dollars. I debated telling her but ultimately did and we went crazy celebrating. We’d always dreamed of winning one of these and so it was a huge moment. It was all great until she began planning a trip to Fort Lauderdale with one of her friends, not inviting me and using up almost all the money for the trip. I was upset and felt that I should at least get a portion of the money given that I entered the sweepstake but she argued that it was her account and that she would have entered the sweepstake anyway. This obviously upset me but there was nothing I could do, it’s her phone and her account. Anyway, this past weekend I found her phone unlocked after she’d passed out on the couch and Venmoed myself $200 dollars from her phone. Long story short she found out and is threatening to kick me out of the house if I don’t send it back to her, but I really feel like I’m in the right here. Can you all weigh in please?

Hi all! I sent out a Partiful for my birthday party - after a day, one of the friends that RSVP’d posted on the thread and asked if it was a shoes off party…. I thought it was odd, but jokingly responded “yes, let me see those dogs.” I have a small one bedroom apartment in nyc and 30 people had already rsvp’d. I wasn’t going to have people’s gross shoes all over my apartment.

Not thinking much of it, I reached out to her a few days later to ask if she was going on a trip a few of my other friends were going on. I also added, thinking nothing of it, “sorry you need to take your shoes off for my party.” She then responded, saying that she has a “new years resolution” where she will not be attending parties where you have to take your shoes off and “having adults walking around in their socks is not it.”

I was surprised she was making a big deal out of all of this. I responded that nyc streets are gross and I’d like to keep my place relatively clean. She then said that I could “just mop the floors the next day.” I felt that this was so completely entitled, rude, and disrespectful of my home THAT I WAS INVITING HER TO.

She changed the subject and asked me how a friends party was that I attended and I just ignored the text. A few hours later, she asks if I’m ignoring her. I responded and told her that that she was being a dick and I don’t see the reason for responding.

We had some back and forth, with her basically gaslighting me and saying “oh I thought we were just being silly girls.” I then told her that she was being condescending and rude about all of this. She said sorry and then said she couldn’t go anyways because her dad will be in town. All that AND SHE COULDNT EVEN COME.

AITAH for requiring guests to take their shoes off at my birthday party?

Our daughter and her friend were at our house when the little boy peed his pants. He did not have an extra pair of pants with him, so I asked our daughter to go get some pants for him from her room (they're about the same size) while I helped him clean up. Our daughter brought me a pair of her pants. They were not fancy pants. They are the same kind she usually plays in.

I gave the pants to the boy, and he put them on. I called his parents, and his dad came and picked him up. In my mind, none of this was a big deal. When my wife came home I told her what happened, again, thinking it wasn't a big deal.

My wife wants to know why he was given a pair of our daughter's pants. I said there wasn't any other option. She said he could have wrapped up in a towel until his parents arrived. Really?

She asked what pants he was given. I described them. She was upset. She said she bought those pants and they were basically new. I said I'm sure the boy's parents will wash and return them. She said why would I want our daughter to wear pants a boy wore commando? She looked disgusted when she asked me that.

I think that's ridiculous. Once clothes have been washed, who cares who wore them before and how they did? If you buy something from the thrift store you won't know how it was worn before. She said that's why she doesn't buy things from the thrift store. Is this actually a big deal? I feel like it doesn't matter at all, but she is frustrated with me.