r/AITAH • u/Better_Philosophy732 • 11h ago
AITAH for eating enough ravioli for four people?
My girlfriend and I have what I would have considered to be the perfect relationship. We moved in together in January, and I thought it was going to be a dream. We love each other. We have similar hobbies. We are both obsessed with our dogs. Living with my best friend who is also my partner felt like a no-brainer.
However, since the move in we have had our first real disagreement, and we can't seem to resolve it. Yesterday it became our first real fight. My girlfriend thinks I eat too much.
When we first moved in we went shopping together. I bought an 18 egg carton, and she thought that was too many, and I joked it wasn't enough. She said okay, she'll just have to bake something. She was shocked by how much we spent, and I reminded her that we are two people now and paid for all the groceries. On my day off she saw that I used six eggs to make scrambled eggs for breakfast, and she couldn't believe it. I told her not to worry, that I can run by the store and get more eggs tomorrow if we run out. She thought it was ridiculous to eat six eggs worth of scrambled eggs, but she accepted my promise to buy more eggs.
This has come up several more times. Sunday, I went grocery shopping. I saw a bag of frozen ravioli for sale and bought it on impulse because it looked good. Yesterday, after I got home from work, I was hungry and made the ravioli. I ate all of it.
When my girlfriend got home from work she asked if I wanted to get a pizza for dinner. I said yes. She said I was probably starving, and I said I was hungry but not starving, because I ate ravioli. She asked if it was the big bag from the freezer. I said yes. She said we can just eat the rest of it. I said I ate it all.
She couldn't believe that I ate enough ravioli for four people (bag says serves four). I said I was hungry. She said there was no point getting dinner now. I asked why. She said I couldn't be hungry after eating enough ravioli for four people (she kept saying this over and over again, enough for four people). I said I was. She was upset, and I asked what exactly she wanted me to do or have done. She said I should have just waited for her so we could eat together. I said we can eat together and that I'm hungry.
She didn't believe me. I ended up just going to get the pizza. She told me not to, but I went anyway. I got her favorite pizza (spinach alfredo) and mine (regular with onions and jalapeno). She ate her pizza, but she also said she was upset that I was "forcing myself to eat to prove a point" and that she just wants me to stop being so "greedy and impatient." She said she wants to share meals with me like a normal couple. She said we should have been able to split one pizza.
I just don't get it. If I'm hungry and there is food, I am going to eat. If there is something she wants to save, tell me. I won't eat that. But I will eat something. I'm not going to go hungry. Am I an ass for that?
Answers: I keep answering questions, and people keep asking them again. Maybe my responses are invisible.
I am 6'2", 192lbs, and my job is very physical (sometimes). I run with our dogs a lot and I work out a lot. I am not fat. Most of my weight is muscle.
We do not have shared finances. When I buy food it's me paying for it. I try to go to the grocery store twice a week, so I buy most of the food. Since I eat way more than her, this feels fair to me.
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u/Practical_Credit3345 11h ago
My husband eats like this - but my husband also runs 20 miles for a light workout. It honestly depends on your lifestyle, but if you're an athlete then this seems like a normal amount of food.
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u/antihero2303 10h ago
My partner can eat really large portions. In the beginning of our relationship I was sometimes a little concerned because wtf 😂 he’s in good health though and I’ve long ago accepted that this is just how he eats - he also cooks nearly all our meals though, so it’s all good.
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u/Equivalent_Chipmunk 9h ago
A lot of guys eat like this. If they're not fat, but they eat that way regularly, then that's just how much their body needs to supply it with the right amount of energy/nutrition.
I can eat 10 eggs for breakfast along with toast, milk with coffee, and some yogurt. I also work out a lot, and am not fat by any means. If someone tried to tell me I'm eating too much, I'd ask them to try being my size and eat less while maintaining the same activity level.
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u/IceSeeker 9h ago
It's not just the guys. My sister can eat like a three people's worth of food but she burns them fast. Everyday she works out so she's physically fit. It really just depends on the people's bodies and health lifestyle.
I think OP's girlfriend is not just used to people who eat huge portions and even be healthy. NTA.
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u/Equivalent_Chipmunk 8h ago
Absolutely, girls can eat a shit ton of food too if they are very active and have a significant amount of muscle. I think the phenomenon happens more often for guys, since they tend to be physically bigger and have different goals in the gym, but there's no reason why girls can't burn and consume a ton of calories too.
I agree OP's girlfriend just sounds like she hasn't spent much time around people who eat a lot. Maybe not many siblings growing up, or those she did have were not very big or physically active.
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u/MerrilyMade 6h ago
I used to be the girl who ate a ton, and it was a problem in one relationship. I had a physical job, played rec sports and ran seriously - he had a desk job and did a fraction of my physical activity. He felt the need to eat at least as much as me and then got really pissy about how much food I was "making" him eat, because he was gaining weight.
Shockingly enough, that relationship didn't last.
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u/Equivalent_Chipmunk 6h ago
Lmao, I have almost the opposite issue, my wife wishes she could eat as much as me but has to limit herself. We've been married for many years though
I think some guys (like the bf you mentioned) know deep down they're not as fit or "manly" as they wish they were, and they really resent their partner for being better than them. Shitty mentality but that's the world we live in I guess, some people would rather drag others down than build themselves up
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u/MerrilyMade 6h ago
It's funny, my husband (not that guy) and I have been together for over a decade now. He's a large, strong man who's had a very physical job for most of our relationship. He's seen me eat as much as him when I was also in a physical role, and he's seen my appetite completely dry up when I got a desk job and some injuries that kept me from running for awhile.
He's never made it about him, and the fact that he's not that type of guy is a big part of why I married him. And I don't give him crap about the fact that he currently eats as much as me and our two children combined!
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u/Top_Philosopher_2692 6h ago
I must admit I have been surprised with how much my very physically fit, 5’10 partner eats… and even how my 9 year old son eats the same amount as me… it’s just expensive at the supermarket 😂
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u/Equivalent_Chipmunk 6h ago
If you buy in bulk and are willing to spend the time to cook from scratch in the kitchen, it's not so bad. Lots of beans, rice, chicken legs, butter, whole milk, frozen veggies, nut butters, pasta, pork, etc.
I also do almost all my shopping at Costco lol
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u/queueuewerty 6h ago edited 6h ago
Yeah I’m a 5’10” very lean female and I eat more than most people I know, even if they’re taller and bigger than me. I would easily eat the whole bag as a snack. I fidget, do intense cognitive work, and am athletic sometimes. Some people just need more food.
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u/RuncibleMountainWren 4h ago
This. ADHD means even when I sit still, I’m rarely actually still (fidgety) and my brain just never stops. I swear I fall asleep easily from sheer mental exhaustion. As a result, my body needs far more fuel to keep functioning that you might expect from someone my size and with my sporadic gross-motor activity level.
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u/oopsdiditwrong 7h ago
I tell people something similar when they're trying to lose weight. Build a bigger furnace to burn the calories. Muscle basically takes maintenance calories while you sit and sleep. Make more muscle and use it. The increased BMR can exceed calories burned in the exercise itself.
So yeah I think you see it more in men because they have a better propensity to build muscle and also more likely to go do it vs something cardio or yoga.
This reminds me of a time my brother and I went to visit our parents at the same time in our late 20s for a week. We both were training for competitions. I was 6' 220lb @12%, he was doing triathlons and training for iron man. I was talking with Mom before I went (they're 2hrs away, same with bro, not far or long trip). She was upset the butchered cow they buy yearly would not be ready for pickup until after we left. Theyd still use it, but she was going to need to add piles of meat to a Costco trip before we got there. There were few meals and many "feeding sessions" during that time lol. She joked all week how it was like we were back in HS again eating everything in sight before they got home and then asking about dinner.
It becomes something different when food is purely nutritional. No one is proud of 3rd breakfast at 11:30am with a lunch scheduled at 12:30pm lol.
I stopped before I hurt myself and adjusted the diet with jt. Bro still runs at least 3 miles a day before breakfast. Then work, gym, and golf. Dude is solid 190 and can consume more than most D1 athletes I was with in college. But Jesus, if he misses some food...
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u/Time_Birthday8808 6h ago
Thank you for pointing out that some women with high metabolisms eat a lot too. In college, I was the skinny girl who was teased for being a piggy at breakfast (after an early morning bike ride). I could easily down 4-6 eggs, plus toast, fruit, oatmeal, juice, milk, and coffee. I just ended up hanging with football players at breakfast because they never mocked me for the amount of food I consumed to keep my body going. I’m way older now—and no one is going to call me skinny—but I have a friend who struggles with her weight who still gets mad because I eat so much more than her. I really wish people would stop staring at my plate and comparing it to theirs—enough with the food shaming! Eat what your body needs to stay healthy. Period.
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u/BurgerThyme 9h ago edited 5h ago
Yeah my BIL pounds food like no one I've ever seen before and he's absolutely ripped. Not an ounce of fat on him and he's in his mid 40's. Like he'll eat three burgers plus fries in one meal then make and eat a huge burrito two hours later.
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u/housatonicduck 9h ago
Yeah my boyfriend is a barber and is on his feet all day in addition to going to the gym 3-4 days a week. He’s very slim but eats enough for 3 people.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Mode892 9h ago
That's what I'm thinking. His gf just have zero idea how much a guy can eat (fat, skinny, tall, it doesn't matter - guys eat a fuckton compared to what most women eat) .
hell there's even memes about guys out on dinner dates with gf and her pecking at her food and saying she's full only for the bf to eat both meals - like this a normal thing, men and women have different apetites. Sounds like this girl has been pretty sheltered...like under a rock.
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u/chaoticnormal 9h ago
Yeah it sounds like she just doesn't understand how some guys eat. I really didn't either until my son turned around 7 years old and his appetite kicked into overdrive. I was shocked. I guess my (ex)husband never ate like that or I just never noticed. He did snack a lot though so maybe that's why. Now that I'm thinking about it, my bf eats so much and I have to constantly tell him I'm not hungry or I don't want extra. He's got muscles to feed i guess.
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u/GrayEagleLeather 8h ago
When I got married and didn't have any kids yet I was amazed at how much my nephews could eat when they were like 8 and 12 and would come for the weekend. They were both athletic kids and were outside playing all the time but I had no idea they could eat that much.
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u/CyndiLouWho89 9h ago
Different people eat differently and different amounts. Not necessarily male vs female. My BIL and nephew both eat very little, my husband and son are big eaters. None of them are overweight. I also know women who can eat a lot without being fat. I easily out eat my nephew & BIL. Many times women eat less or pick at food out of fear someone, especially a date/boyfriend, will call them out for eating too much or being fat.
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u/sticks_and_stoners 8h ago
I love how much my husband eats. I’m a SAHM so I prepare 99% of the food he eats. It makes me feel awesome when he comes back for thirds. He loves my cooking. Which is a feat, let me tell you. 11 years ago, I couldn’t be trusted to boil water. I burned every grilled cheese I attempted and lived on Subway and fast food dollar menus before I got pregnant.
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u/HowDoMermaidsFuck 9h ago
Maybe her previous boyfriend would just eat like a burger and fries when out with her and then stop and get a couple burritos on their way home. 😂
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u/NonGeneriComplaint 9h ago
Athletes or guys with big muscles can pack food away as they burn alot of calories and even having muscles can burn calories when you arent working out
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u/Acheloma 8h ago
My partner was a competitive bodybuilder in his teens.
It was genuinely disturbing to me to watch how much he ate when we first got together haha
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u/Practical_Credit3345 9h ago
hahaha same, when we first started dating I knew he was always working out, but he seemed super regimented about his diet & meal prepping. Well... I'm a baker and watching this man take down one of my desserts was pretty astounding. Needless to say, I usually double my batches now 😂
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u/toad__warrior 8h ago
Word of warning for your husband. I used to be like this. As the decades pass, eating like this caused more and more weight issues. Fortunately I curbed my eating in my 40s, so I am only about 25lbs above ideal weight.
Could I eat like that now? Hell yes. But I would weigh so much and my health would suffer.
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u/HoundstoothReader 10h ago
My husband has a full foot of height and 100 pounds on me. Learning to live and eat together was an adjustment for both of us! (Especially when he’s marathon training and inhales what would be a full day’s calories for me as a post-workout snack.)
Last night, we shared an order of nachos at a sports event. I ate till I was done and let him know the rest is his. He was baffled (after 25+ years of eating meals with me). But you barely ate any! I ate plenty! My body burns under 1500 calories daily unless I’m working out, so my caloric needs are way different than his.
It took me a long time (and some weight fluctuations) before I fully learned this. Hopefully, OP’s girlfriend learns this too.
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u/LeaneGenova 9h ago
My husband is the same way after 18 years. Yes, darling, I ate half my burger. I always do that. This is not abnormal. I'm 5'2, 115 pounds; he's 6'5" and 215 pounds.
It certainly can be a sort of culture shock to have such disparities. And annoying AF when they go to town on something you wanted for later.
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u/HoundstoothReader 9h ago
Ooh, that last bit. Some of our biggest arguments. You ate an entire container of ricotta? Why?! How?! And now we have to run to the grocery before we can make lasagna.
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u/LeaneGenova 8h ago
The saving grace is that he's allergic to my favorite foods so I can keep those safe, but I have gone insane when he ate all of the cereal and left the empty box.
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u/cfb-food-beer-hike 8h ago
My friend made two turkeys last year for friendsgiving - an 8lb one and a 15lb one. She got the 8lb one so it would be ready with the rest of the food and people could have some turkey while they waited for the larger one to be done. After she carved up the smaller one, one of those "I need my protein!" bros took all of it. No, not even most of it. He took like 4lbs of meat all for himself. And yes, he's at least 80lbs overweight and thinks he's fit just because he lifts.
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u/HoundstoothReader 4h ago
That’s no friend. If he needs so much protein, he should bring his own protein. I can’t imagine consuming more than my fair share without checking in with everyone else and letting them serve themselves first. I hope one of you called him out for it.
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u/Alyssa9876 8h ago
Hubby and eldest son would inhale leftovers so sometimes I used to portion what I made and freeze some straight away for another day. Was always plenty of other snacks and options for extras without wasting a second meal worth of a bill cooking session lol. I used to bake a lot and my kids still take about the oaty bakes and biscuits I would make. They thought they were getting lots of treats and I was sneaking all sorts of good stuff into them lol.
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u/Secret-Afternoon-645 9h ago
I live with my sister - she's 79, 5 foot tall, and retired. I'm 6 ft, 66, working full time, and going through menopause. I'm also chronically anemic. She can't understand why we have different nutritional needs. Well, I think she doesn't want to understand, tbh. Just like she doesn't want to believe that cilantro tastes like soap to me - it doesn't to her, so it can't possibly be true.
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u/jr0061006 9h ago
Ask her if she thinks a small compact car uses more or less fuel than a large SUV like a Hummer, and why?
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u/Professional_Bit1805 6h ago
Cilantro taste (soap or delicious) is a genetic trait identifiable in your DNA. You either love it or hate it. I love it.
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u/LlovelyLlama 9h ago
My husband and I have a similar size differential and I absolutely gained weight when we started eating most of our meals together, because I found myself mirroring his food intake even though it was far more than I needed… but never in a million years would I ask him to eat less!
Big bodies need more fuel, just like bigger cars. Hopefully gf realizes she’s being ridiculous.
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u/Local_Initiative8523 9h ago
My wife doesn’t seem to get this either!
She probably needs 1800 calories a day but she’s on 1500 at the moment (diet). Just the other day we were out all day and ate almost exactly the same things for breakfast, lunch and dinner, then when we got home I cooked myself another dinner.
She was absolutely shocked, and I had to remind her that she’s eating 1500 calories a day and I eat 3000 a day without gaining weight - she might be done for the day, but I’m only halfway!
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u/MamaBearonhercouch 8h ago
My husband was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes when we’d been married two years. He was 23, 5’4”, and only weighed 95 pounds. (He lost 15 pounds in the week before diagnosis and almost died.)
Endocrinologist put him on a diet of 3500 calories per day; they wanted him to gain 50 pounds. It took him nine and a half YEARS to gain 50 pounds.
I ate right along with him and put on 30 pounds in less than 3 months.
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u/highhippieatheart 8h ago
My sons father, not diagnosed diabetic, could not gain weight. Like COULD NOT. He was a Marine, and the Corps put him on an extreme diet to gain weight. We're talking double portions at the mess hall and protein shakes in between. He must have been consuming upwards of 4k calories a day. Maybe more because he'd also eat at my place after eating all that. The man LOST WEIGHT. I look at a burger wrong and it's on my hips. This man could have been hooked up to a calorie IV line and probably still would have dropped the weight.
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u/imamakebaddecisions 9h ago
I'm an athlete, I eat so much just to not always be starving. My wife used to think I'd spoil my appetite, now it's like a joke. She knows no matter how much I eat, I'll always be hungry for dinner.
And I pre-eat when we go out to events and stuff, just so I don't appear to be a monster in public.
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u/jedooderotomy 9h ago
This - it 100% depends on what kind of shape you're in. High level athletes consume a TON of calories. If she doesn't have a problem with your fitness level, then she has no place telling you how much to eat.
This either needs to be a conversation where she's concerned that you're not taking care of yourself (that you're overweight), or it needs to NOT be a conversation.
When I was a competitive long-distance runner, the team would go to The Olive Garden for their "unending pasta dish" sales. And we would eat like three full plates of pasta each.
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u/Richyrich619 9h ago
He is mainly muscle and helps with groceries etc. the man can eat what he wants.
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10h ago
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u/j_ho_lo 10h ago
I had to scroll way too far for this, first thing that popped in my head when I read the post title lmao
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u/Cosmo_Cloudy 8h ago
OPs girl would think I'm a freak lol, I'm a 5'1" 120 pound woman and I regularly eat 2 of these "4 people" ravioli bags at a time on Sundays if I don't feel like cooking 😂
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u/Cake-Tea-Life 8h ago
Let's look at the calories though. The other day, I looked at a frozen lasagna and it claimed to be 4 servings. But, each serving was less than 300 calories. 300 calories isn't dinner for most people!
"Serving" does not equal "dinner."
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u/damagetwig 7h ago
I'm pretty sure that some places will use small servings so that the big calorie number on the back of the package is small. Calories per package are often in smaller text. My husband and I split a frozen meal the other night that said it was for four people, two servings later we were both still hungry enough to make something else. They were servings but not main course servings. Sides at best.
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u/hebejebez 7h ago
Serving size is fully nonsense on some packaging I’ve noticed, oh that 600gram of mixed veg will serve TEN people, if they want one carrot sure. Even at Xmas I got a turkey crown a small one it was I think 2kg and it said it would serve 16 people on the box. I would be pissed at that Xmas dinner but ok thanks for your input supermarket.
Yeah for sure lots of us eat more than we should but sometimes the packaging is lunacy.
Nb- the veg was specifically serve ten not ten of your five day or whatever veg claims they had I checked as it was so funny to me at the time.
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u/Mysterious-Paint100 9h ago
…fourth and fifth I think I burned with a blowtorch and then I just kept eating
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u/stickytuna 10h ago
For ravioli specifically the serving sizes are a complete joke. No fucking way I’m eating like 4-5 ravioli only.
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u/unexpectedlytired 10h ago
Yeah they are just trying to make it look like you’re getting more food than you are.
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u/WanderingAlsoLost 7h ago
Granted restaurants will serve six ravioli and call it an entree. No way dude, not buying the ravioli if that’s all I get.
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u/lingering_POO 4h ago
Packet ravioli is full of shit too.. I hadn’t had restaurant ravioli before. Went to an Italian restaurant with my wife and our friends.. wife orders the ravioli.. I thought, fuck that, that’ll be not enough food for me.
Out comes her dish.. it’s only like 10 pieces but they’re HUGE. Like the size of my palm. She offered me one and it was the best pasta I’ve ever tasted in my life… supermarket ones make me so mad now lol
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u/TerribleWords 7h ago
I refuse to order ravioli at a restaurant for this exact reason. It's usually one of the most expensive things too.
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u/bullmooooose 6h ago
Also raviolis are insanely calorie dense. A full bowl of them can easily be over 1000 calories, they're just straight cheese and pasta which are both very calorie dense. So they make the serving size smaller so people don't read that the 350 calorie "serving" is only like 5 ravioli lol.
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u/LordOscarthePurr 9h ago
Right?! I’m a 5’6” 120lbs woman and I can easily eat 1/2 a package in one sitting. A muscular 6’2” guy? Yeah, that’s just one meal.
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u/Icy_Flan_7185 8h ago
Most of the “recommended serving” for ravioli I see are like 250-300cal. Fine if you’re having something else on the side, but if it’s my main meal I’ll definitely have two servings
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u/mittenknittin 8h ago
When they say “recommended serving” yeah, the intention isn’t that that’s going to be your whole dinner. You have a serving of meat, a serving of veggies, a serving of bread or pasta or some carb, etc., and together that’s a meal.
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u/orion_nomad 7h ago
Much like the "balanced breakfast" on cereal commercials, making a bunch of dishes for one meal is too much work for a lot of people. In my family it's an entree and a side vegetable of some kind. So say ravioli and roasted brussels sprouts. Ravioli is already a carb and some protein depending on filling.
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u/Lov3I5Treacherous 8h ago
Don't get me started on kraft mac n cheese boxes
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u/sweets4n6 5h ago
My ten year old can eat an entire box of that by himself. The serving sizes are a joke.
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u/oopsiedaisy-- 8h ago
Yea I can picture the bag OP is probably talking about and I would call that two SIDES for me and my husband, with like chicken or sausage or something to go with it.
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u/Mama-Rides_AZ73 10h ago edited 7h ago
NTA - was your girlfriend not aware of your appetite before moving in together? There is no reason for her to police your food intake, especially if you are that physically active and in shape.
I have a friend who’s a bodybuilder – the amount of food that he eats in a day is about what I eat in a week.
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u/the_sweetest_peach 8h ago
Yeah, I was wondering if OP was a power lifter or something, because that would track.
Also, if he’s paying for all these groceries, which he said he is, I really don’t see the problem.
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u/12InchCunt 7h ago
He mentions running/exercising a lot and having a physical job, on top of being a large framed dude. Girlfriend’s Probably petite and doesn’t realize he burns way more calories than her
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u/Hai-City_Refugee 6h ago
I had this problem with my 5 foot 95lb ex-girlfriend as I'm 6'4" 190lb. She actually used to complain all the time and I'd ignore her, even though it bothered me, and it only stopped when she was criticizing me while we were out to eat with her friends and they interceded on my behalf.
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u/Imaginary-Law-1583 6h ago
"I am literally two of you, I need more food"
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u/Desperate_Algae_40 7h ago
I agree, there's no problem with it. She's being extremely controlling and the narrative she's pushing on him can lead to an eating disorder. If he's paying and healthy, it's none of her business whatsoever how much he eats.
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u/billy_butters_bot 7h ago
Exactly, she might not realize she’s being controlling or weird, bc her fam or folks in her life might have treated her that way. BUT that’s no excuse and she needs to get it together.
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u/2024notyurbiz 10h ago
The simple answer is you eat what you eat. Assuming you are not harming your health, nor ruining your budget, then there is no discussion. If your gf cannot come to terms with that, find another gf.
Arguing over such a thing is just dumb.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Cup1674 8h ago
I almost wonder if she has some sort of past trauma around eating or an ED on some level? Or she’s feeling really guilty about food costs because she can’t fathom that he can eat it all? Like, it’s just such a weird thing for her to obsess over if there isn’t something else going on with her?!
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u/WrongReward 7h ago
Yeah, I agree it might not be that simple, and there could be an underlying root cause of her behavior. I’m wondering if she grew up with food insecurity and doesn’t realize how it still affects her, even though BF is perfectly able to provide groceries for both of them.
When you learn to really watch and restrict things when you are young, I think it can affect you for the rest of your life. For myself, I have to do a double think, and check on what’s really important at the time I’m currently in.
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u/AdCurious7831 5h ago
Food insecurity was my first thought, 100%. Second was ED. Third possibility is she's simply controlling, but controlling people usually have a deeper reason behind it (although not an excuse) which brings us back to my initial thought.
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u/Invisible_me_3 7h ago
I wonder if she is an only child or only had sisters. Growing up with brothers is a good introduction into how different appetites can be.
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u/Kiarimarie 5h ago
Growing up with a brother just made me food possessive and I continue to work on that and not get upset with my husband.
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u/babagirl88 5h ago
Sameeee! I also grew up with parents who only bought limited treats as we didn't have much money growing up. So if my brothers ate all the chips, that's it until the next month. Now I just remind myself that I'm an adult and I can go pick up a new bag of whatever with my own adult money.
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u/hiyachingu 6h ago edited 2h ago
I was gonna say this haha! As someone who eats very slowly and savors her food, I would always get annoyed when my brother would gobble up all the tasty snacks.
And I feel like different portion sizes for people/metabolisms is kinda intuitive… like my mom would put rice on all our plates. My dad had the biggest portion, then my brother, then me, then my mom. I never thought twice about why my brother ate more rice than me, but maybe OP’s gf has never been exposed to different appetites?
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u/bsubtilis 5h ago
Even with only sisters, if any of them are athletes those will still eat like a horse. If you use up a lot of energy, then you use up a lot of energy.
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u/claiter 7h ago
This is very possible, but people are also weird about other people’s eating habits when they don’t align with their own, or don’t match their expectations. I’m a 5’10 woman and in high school I was an athlete and would eat constantly (teenager, tall, athlete, love food, etc). But since I was a girl who looked thin, multiple people automatically assumed I had bulimia.
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u/Cinnathem 10h ago
NTA - Its no one's job to police a grown person's food intake besides maybe their doctor. He could be 7' or husky and it does not matter. Its his food. He bought it without her and he made it and ate it and didn't waste it. He also made the exception that if she asked for a portion of the food he would give it to her. They do not have share finances. I only eat two meals a day personally and my younger brother is 6' skinnier than me and eats 3 times as much as I do and doesn't really workout that much. Sometimes guys just eat a lot and as long as its within budget who cares?
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u/knitlikeaboss 9h ago
People love to shame others for how much they eat. But everyone is so different that there’s no way to know how much is “too much” for an individual based on an internet post.
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u/HealthyByte 11h ago
NTA. What you both need to have a conversation around his metabolic differences. This is beyond your physical control. This is beyond her control. She probably doesn’t need to eat that much and cannot fathom why somebody else needs to. Basically she needs some education about different metabolic rates, more muscle means more food, and men in general need to eat more.
I actually miss when my son was home because he would finish off everything. Too much food goes in the garbage now.
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u/Better_Philosophy732 11h ago
I feel like we keep having that conversation, but maybe not using those exact words. I'll try using that terminology. I keep saying that between my at times very physical job and running with the dogs and working out, I just get hungry.
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u/Quick-Benjamin 8h ago
Tell her that if you were eating too much, you'd be putting on weight. And if you weren't eating enough, you'd be losing weight.
If your weight is stable, then you are eating the perfect amount for your metabolism.
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u/Ashamed-Injury-1983 3h ago
Also doesn't help that serving sizes have become even more bs than previously due to corpo greed and shrinkflation. A lot of frozen pizzas barely pass 1000c and the thin crusts are usually ~600-800c which is less than a normal sized sub at most places.
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u/JadedLoves 6h ago
Also something else to consider is serving size is not suppose to equal the entire meal. A can of green beans serves roughly 3 people, but those people wouldn't only be eating green beans.
Serving size on containers is assuming you are eating a naturally varied meal and not just a lot of one thing only. So you'd have a serving of green beans, a serving of pasta or potato, a serving of rolls, a serving of meat. 4 servings total, but of 4 different things, for one person in one meal.
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u/ZealousidealRead8843 4h ago
Especially pasta has often a rather small recommended portion size one can easily out eat. No matter the gender.
Filled pasta often will say 3 or 4 pieces as a portion
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u/hunnyflash 6h ago
Living with a man was an adjustment for me too with food. I had a previous boyfriend who could go to McDonalds and down like 2 combo meals plus extra burgers on the side and I was just, in awe.
But honestly, what's really upsetting about your post is this part:
She ate her pizza, but she also said she was upset that I was "forcing myself to eat to prove a point"
Please understand that this is more than just the food now. Not only is she not making any effort to believe or understand you, she's actively choosing to believe something negative that she made up in her own mind.
If you aren't able to talk through this, and she's not able to have some self-awareness and reflection, you will ALWAYS have this problem and it will only get worse with big life issues.
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u/mycatsaysmeow 8h ago
All my assumptions of course but if she is generally thin and petite and maintains her body by restricting her calories and not by working out, she probably doesn't have a framework to understand this at all.
I am a 6' woman and it wasn't until I started lifting weights in my 20s that I ever really had an appetite. My parents got a lot of comments about how I wasn't eating enough when I was a kid but I have a thin build and it didn't take much eating before I just wasn't hungry anymore.
She's probably never had the experience of hungry all the time when you are muscular and active and doesn't fathom it. I'm not sure if there is a resolution here if she cannot get to a place where she's experienced it herself or simply believes you, but I would be pissed (and have been pissed) that someone expects me to go hungry because they didn't think I needed as much food as I did.
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u/JamOnBiscuits 6h ago
try showing her a Basal Metabolic Rate calculator like this one - https://www.calculator.net/bmr-calculator.html You can show her exactly how many calories you need in order to survive and she can compare how many she needs. It will be pretty obvious that you need to eat what you are eating.
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u/lululu1958 11h ago
My late husband was 4ft10 weighed 120 lbs and would eat like a locust. He was pretty active but would consume huge quantities of food. I on the other hand was 4 10 250 lbs would eat 1/3 of his portions. I’ve since lost 65 lbs by exercising. It’s taken years so people can’t judge
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u/hopping_otter_ears 9h ago
It's also possible that she was taught (explicitly or indirectly by growing up a girl in Diet Culture) that she's virtuous for eating less and for delaying gratification and enduring hunger because it's important to watch her figure. There are likely a lot of "she's been taught to deny herself because that's the appropriate thing for a woman to do" things in her life, and part of her reaction isn't just "omg, you eat so much", it's "and I can't, because it would be wrong on a gut level for me to do so". So to her instincts, OP isn't just eating more because he's got a big muscular body and an active job, he's being self indulgent in a way that she's been trained not to do. She might need to spend some time poking at her feelings and whether they're actually reasonable.
Me and my husband have had so many rounds of my feelings that he buys himself something without thought just because he wants it and we can afford it, when I feel like I have to need something before I'm comfortable spending money on it. It always shakes out to "why do you feel like you can't buy yourself that? You can, and you don't have to justify it to me. We can afford it, so buy it if it makes you happy", but it's a hard trait to unlearn when "women should happily sacrifice their wants for their family" was firmly embedded in me since childhood. Obviously, I don't know if the girlfriend here has the same issues, but it wouldn't surprise me because she's expressing it as "food for 4 people" and "you're impatient, and we should eat together (translation: why didn't you endure an hour of discomfort to eat with me, like I would have?)". Those both have "it's virtuous to deprive yourself for other people, even if there's no need to do so" vibes, and the inevitable flip side of "it is wrong to indulge yourself, even if it hurts nobody"
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u/Grilled_Cheese10 11h ago
Yup! As I was reading this, all I could think was OP's gf must not have grown up with a brother. Males eat a WHOLE lot more than females, especially in their teens and twenties. They just do, and they need to. As long as OP gets decent exercise and stays healthy, he's fine.
When my daughter went off to college, I hardly noticed a change in my groceries other than a few of her favorites I didn't buy any more. When my son went a few years later, my grocery bill dropped dramatically and I had to remember to cut back on almost everything. It was a HUGE change and adjustment in my shopping.
My son moved back in with me for a few years after college. He bought a lot of his own groceries, but I had to adjust to barely having any room in my refrigerator. I'd buy 2-3 dozen eggs every week to make sure I would be able to have an egg when I needed one. If I needed to save something for a specific purpose, I'd put a note on it.
Gf needs to talk to a few friends who are familiar with how much young men need to eat. It'll make her feel better and she can stop pestering OP. My son's wife went through exactly the same thing when they moved in together.
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u/Sufficient_Most_9713 10h ago
Two of my brothers worked in the trades, often outside or in unheated buildings, and in northern New England (Maine and NH). The amount of food they put away when we were all 20-30 was ASTOUNDING -- their mid-morning snack was more than I ate for lunch (I'm the only sister and have always worked a desk job), and probably more than the calories I consumed at dinner.
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u/Esau2020 11h ago edited 30m ago
If all of the following are true:
• You're not depriving her of any food • You're in reasonable health, considering the quantity of food you eat • You're paying for anything above what would be a "reasonable" amount of food a couple buys • You don't expect or demand she prepare it for you
and the only problem she has with you is the amount of food you eat:
There are plenty of women out there who would be more than happy to switch places with her.
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u/hiyachingu 6h ago
Yeah I actually feel bad for OP… he’s being extremely considerate of his GF and she’s judging his food intake constantly. Can’t feel good.
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u/Brief-Woodpecker9047 5h ago
Not just harshly judging but accusing him of dishonesty. That would be a deal breaker for me.
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u/MinimumOk1670 3h ago
Her hyper focus on this issue is definitely not about the food, it's about something else entirely and she needs to figure it the fk out before she ruins a perfectly good relationship
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u/Melon_Gin 5h ago
EXACTLY! You put all the main points together. Tbh in my personal opinion, I think the gf has an unhealthy relationship with food and is thus bothered by her bfs normal relationship with food. I wouldn't be surprised if she has some sort of eating disorder, even if minor. Especially because she didn't believe him when he said he was hungry. That part is fucking rough.
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u/That_Nebula4187 10h ago
If you’re paying for the food and you’re healthy (active, normal weight for your height, etc.) then you’re NTA. My partner eats an absurd amount of food but he’s 6’5 and works out 6 times a week and has a high metabolism. Different bodies have different needs.
If you were splitting food costs but eating 80% that’d be annoying, but if you’re paying for food there’s not a problem here. She might just need time to adjust because it’s so different than what she’s used to.
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u/Imaginary_Rhubarb179 10h ago
I'm 5' 10" and about 160 lbs. I work construction. I eat 4 or 5 meals a day. If I eat any less, I lose weight rapidly. It probably takes about 3,500 calories just to maintain
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u/siccoblue 4h ago
Yeah, this ain't a "finishing the 6' sub" situation. Dude is literally just maintaining
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u/oops_im_wrong 4h ago
Before turning 40, I used to eat at least 3000 calories a day as well. It took a few years for my wife to really understand it and even now she doesn't understand how I can eat so much.
Between walking 15K steps a day, working out, and training for half-marathons or more, I could usually eat servings for 2-3 people.
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u/electric_shocks 10h ago
Those four people who only eat two pieces of ravioli. That's the family size frozen food logic.
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u/TJ_Rowe 8h ago
It might also be "this is a side dish for four people" not "this is a meal for four people". The "ideal meal plan" that they did in the test kitchen would have had the ravioli with a sauce and cheese and garlic bread and vegetables, with maybe a salad to start and a pudding or glass of wine afterwards.
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u/Bluewaveempress 10h ago
I love it - you eat it all you make more - see how much work that is?
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u/TooApatheticToHateU 8h ago
YOU GOTTA REPLENISH!
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u/viagra___girls 7h ago
I think it’s a microcosm of more serious things. (Fucking kills me every time)
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u/Ralynne 10h ago
This is the way.
It's fine to eat more than the other person you live with so long as you absorb the extra labor as well as the extra expense. It's horrible to think you have your meals all planned out and prepped and come home to find someone else ate all of it.
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u/GimerStick 10h ago
Yep, for us it was whoever finishes the snacks (aka my husband) needs to let the other person know and make sure it's included in the grocery run. It's taking on the mental labor. I'm happy to make sure we get it once I know about it, but it can't be schrodingers pantry until I decide I want chips and realize we're out.
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u/Evening-Run-3794 9h ago
I have a system with my husband where if I am relying on using that ingredient for meal planning, it goes in bins on a certain shelf. He understands that everything else in the fridge or pantry is fair game, but if something in the bins is calling his name he 1. needs to ask when I need it for, and 2. can then decide for himself if he wants to eat it and run to the store to replace it before I need it or choose something else.
It works well.
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u/darkstormchaser 8h ago
We have a similar thing going. We have a snack shelf in both the fridge and cupboard, and clearly designated sides. Even though we eat some of the same snacks, we usually buy them ourselves and it’s a cardinal rule not to touch things on the other person’s side.
I also meal prep for work (my partner eats ready meals or buys during his shift) and he knows that if he eats anything out of those specific containers, he may as well start packing his bags!
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u/westsidecoleslaw 7h ago
He’s not just absorbing the extra expense though, he’s absorbing 100% of the expense. OP pays for the groceries 100%. And, as stated, he had ALREADY offered to go replenish the eggs after cooking 6.
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u/spaceylaceygirl 10h ago edited 6h ago
HE BOUGHT THE RAVIOLI ON IMPULSE. There was no meal planned! Edit to say thanks for the award!
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u/youshantnome 8h ago
seriously thank you ! Like the man has to justify eating something he spontaneously bought ? It wasn’t her meal prep.
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u/SubjectAndObject 9h ago
Redditors are illiterate and instead of reading just jump to their cognitive biases.
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u/TheNotoriousSAUER 9h ago
Everyone is imagining that one scene from family guy of the big dude shoveling food and his starving family who he won't let eat.
In reality, she says, "We don't need that much food." he says, "I need that much food" he buys that much food and eats it. The issue is not him eating food. It's her being "uncomfortable" with how much he eats. At the end he says he exercises a lot and has a physically laborious job. He's also a big dude and could just have more of an appetite than others. I used to know a chick that could throw back two big macs, a twenty piece mcnugget, two large fries and then ask if we could get pizza later. Skinny as fuck and in perfect health. People are just different.
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u/TJ_Rowe 7h ago
My MiL used to be like the girlfriend. My husband and I went to visit her once and found that she served tiny portions, so on the second day we went out for a big lunch. When one of us mentioned that, she decided that we needed even smaller portions for that day's dinner because "we'd already had our main".
I took my husband on a walk and let him know that if I wasn't allowed to eat properly while we were visiting his family, I was going home.
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u/kimpossiblesauce 10h ago
"I let him know homelessness was also an option for him."
This is amazing writing. I have never been so entertained with someone being put in their place, which is one of my favorites.
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u/BeginningBluejay3511 9h ago edited 9h ago
He bought the ravioli...He bought it as a snack..it was on sale and and it wasn't part of a meal plan. If people would READ what he wrote. He runs,he works out,he has an active job. He PAYS for all their food. Just because he eats larger quantities doesn't make him the bad guy...SMH
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u/destro23 11h ago
Question: How's your activity level and physique? If you are an active person, or very tall, or solidly built, you are going to need more calories than her. Like, you may be eating too much for your body, or you may not be. If you are eating as you are and maintaining your overall physique, there is no problem. But, if you are eating as much as you are and getting slightly heavier as time goes on, there may be.
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u/xdem112 10h ago edited 5h ago
He says in the post he has an active job, works out and runs. He’s 6’2 195lbs, he needs a lot to just maintain that weight. His BMR alone (if he were comatose) is almost 2000 calories. It’s very likely his maintenance sits around or just under 3700 calories.
Her attitude is so strange. I’m trying to find a nice way to say she sounds a bit..dim? Like of course a tall guy with an active job who runs and works out will eat a lot. She’s absolutely refusing to accept that when it’s super basic common knowledge. He pays for the groceries, she originally wanted pizza, he still ate with her like she wanted! There’s nothing here to fight about. Frankly, she’s being mean.
Also, those “4 serving” bags of ravioli are like 20 oz. The serving size on the back are a joke. I’m 5’3 115lbs and eat half those to myself. A whole bag is 1100, a whole pizza is 2200, his eggs are 430. Guess what? That adds up to 3700, Maintenance.
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u/SlytherinPaninis 10h ago
My partner is 6’5 and 200lb and let me tell you that man can eat. At no point would I even think to get mad at him for eating lol. And OP is buying the groceries.
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u/xdem112 10h ago
Exactly. Her calling him “selfish and greedy” for not waiting to eat with her and insisting he was “proving a point” by continuing to eat with her is so ridiculous. She’s got a screw loose, and clearly isn’t ready to cohabitate. He even brought up that she could let him know if there’s anything he should save and that wasn’t the problem.
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u/rainaftermoscow 10h ago
Yeah, I've got two brothers who are former military assholes and still lead active lifestyles. One is the size of your partner and the other is 6'2 but probably weighs the same. They eat like freaking HORSES. I'm the same way, even though I'm a petite ass girl. I have three dogs and I do martial arts and basically never stop moving, so I can get away with eating a lot.
My husband, in contrast, can survive on SO LITTLE OMG. idk if its because he used to be a priest and he fasted so much that it's wired into his dna, but he's like a bunny. And he's 5'11/185lbs and most of it is muscle due to climbing and running he's not malnourished by any means. It took me a while to get used to, because I'm used to literally cooking for a battalion and having nothing left over 🥲 for the first year I was with him I was genuinely a bit concerned, but now I'm just impressed. And he's similarly impressed when I demolish an entire plate of Korean fried chicken with a basket of waffle fries.
OPs gf needs to get over herself.
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u/empressbunny 8h ago
I also eat much more than my husband. He’s so much bigger and sadly also overweight. He just doesn’t move much and his maintenance is so low.
Meanwhile I’m super active and petite. Then I got pregnant and my intake rose with another 25%. Then I was breastfeeding and it rose even further. Now I’m pregnant again and still breast feeding and running after an active toddler. I eat every 2 hours and I just know when it hits 3pm because I’m starving.
Meanwhile the toddler out eats him since apparently my metabolism and appetite got inherited. Growth spurt ? 9 slices of bread, 4 pieces of fruit, 2 crackers and veggies, a full dinner plate and breast feeding 4-5 times a day. Her grandmother ask if I am not overfeeding. Uhm, listen lady, I’m getting a 3am wake up with an 18 month old screaming for food. Pretty sure we all rather be sleeping.
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u/imtooldforthishison 8h ago
My 20 year old is the same size and also in an active job and goes to the gym a lot. He'll eat the shingles off the house if they had a good seer and a nice sauce.
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u/beerab 9h ago
Yeah kinda makes me wonder what her eating habits are and if she’s the type that doesn’t do anything strenuous so eats very little, like 1200 calories a day. My husband is 6’2” and 220 and can put it away!
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u/Better_Philosophy732 11h ago
I am 6'2", 192lbs, and my job is very physical (sometimes). I run with our dogs a lot and I work out a lot. I am not fat. Most of my weight is muscle.
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u/_adanedhel_ 5h ago
I suspect she has major anxieties around her own eating and body image, and she is externalizing those by being critical of your eating. People who tend to be very self-critical of their own behaviors have trouble not being critical of others’ behaviors (even if their behaviors don’t have the same effects). It’s something like “I have to tightly control what I eat, so he should have to too” (the internal dialogue about it is usually not that obvious, but I’m oversimplifying to explain).
Body and eating issues are extremely difficult to overcome, so you should be asking yourself if you’re happy in a relationship where the policing and judging never stop.
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u/PulsarAndBlackMatter 11h ago
4 serving ≠ 4 meals
NTA
She need to understand you eat like a bull (not sure if you say so in English), some people are like that with a great metabolism.
Only if you are heavily overweight, maybe for the wrong reasons, but she is somehow right, you should eat less but for healthy reasons not because she doesn’t like how you eat.
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u/CommonWest9387 Hypothetical 10h ago
the serving to meal is so important. a box of kraft dinner is 4 serving sizes but i definitely eat an entire box to myself. i could probably eat a box and a half or even two boxes. 200g of pasta is hardly much food.
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u/livcha 10h ago
If you pay for a majority of the food I think it’s fine to eat a lot of it. But it would be super annoying to come home thinking you had groceries and your partner ate it all, so consider what is left for them
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u/PiccoloAwkward465 8h ago
Sure and this is why it can be helpful to plan out weekly meals.
But in general there have always been some growing pains when I've adjusted to living with new people. It just takes time.
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u/Spicyboi333 9h ago
I think that’s the issue. I was inhaling leftovers before a partner had to tell me they were expecting to eat some of it before I ate it all before. I eventually learned to stop.
It seems like the issue isn’t how much he eats, it’s that he’s inhaling all the food and she comes back to the food not being there that she thought was there. I can see how this could be annoying.
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u/crabdipped 11h ago
Shit I could eat 10 eggs if they’re scrambled
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u/Ami_is_a_liomn 6h ago
Devil those eggs and I will eat an ungodly amount of them
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u/aftermarrow 8h ago
info: are you buying groceries for “the house” or just for you? you said you go shopping together and you’re paying for it, but is she eating from what you buy or buying her own?
the only way i can see her being reasonable is if she’s under the impression it’s all “house” and then sees you eating 75+% of it.
also, you said “if there’s something she wants to save, tell me. i won’t eat that.” does that mean you are essentially eating everything unless she explicitly marks it out beforehand as her food? even if you’re getting groceries twice a week, how is it fair that she has to stake a claim on something in order to get a chance to eat it?
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u/hiyachingu 6h ago edited 5h ago
Read where he mentioned buying an 18 pack of eggs - his gf protested at buying so many, and then said she would “just have to bake something” to use them up.
And he specifically said in a comment that he wouldn’t eat the last of the eggs leaving none for her…. If he had then he would go out and buy more.
Literally a lose lose situation for OP. She wants him to buy the smaller pack of eggs (that he’s paying for), then they get used up quicker. Or he eats less food to make her happy and starts losing weight.
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u/Upbeat_Selection357 11h ago
INFO: How long had you dated before moving in together? What had been your experience of sharing meals before hand?
The two of you clearly have extremely different metabolic rates. That's not necessarily a problem. But what confuses me is why she's only realizing that now.
She also has a reasonable desire to eat together as a social act. But if you are eating more in addition to rather than instead of eating with her, I don't see a problem.
Might she be concerned that she's now going to be subsidizing your food bill, not that you live together?
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u/Better_Philosophy732 11h ago
A little over a year. We shared (and continue to share) meals. We would go out to eat and watch a movie or go back to her place to get her dog and then walk the dogs. We would have a great time, but then I would usually eat again when I got home after our date, which I don't think she realized.
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u/MokSea 8h ago
I think now that you are living together she’s definitely seeing “the big picture” of how much you need to eat. Except she doesn’t realize you NEED to eat that much. I’m curious why she’s feeling the need to control your food intake. There is more to this than not understanding your metabolism. If your insurance covers it, maybe get an appointment with a nutritionist and have her join you for it. She needs an education on metabolism but! She also needs to figure out why it’s such a problem for her that you eat as much as you do.
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u/magicmavenhart 5h ago
Sounds like this is maybe the crux of the issue, that she didn’t realize how much more you were eating off camera.
I dated someone for a while who consumed about 5000 calories a day. He’d been through it with other partners so the first time he came to stay at mine for the weekend he said we should shop together and he walked me through what he needed for 3 days (which was almost a week’s worth of food for me) and I was shocked but it helped me understand and we went from there.
Hopefully you can get her to understand what your daily caloric range is and she will calm down and release the idea that you’re over eating, force feeding, indulging her, impatient, etc since what you actually are is hungry.
You may need to do a little advance planning or a labeling system where things she wants to share are made obvious so you don’t eat up what she wants.
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u/No_Durian_3730 10h ago
NTA. You are food the you paid for and your girlfriend is sort of policing your intake. That’s a bit of an ick. Some commenters asking questions about your weight … I mean would you be asked any of that if you were a woman? How would your girlfriend respond if one of her female friends food intake was being monitored and commented on by their partner?
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u/Mammoth-Glove3273 10h ago edited 9h ago
No if the genders were reversed everyone would think it was very obvious how controlling this is, instead everyone is trying to figure out ways to justify it.
Is she worried about money?
Did she have food scarcity?
Did she have an eating disorder?
Is she mad because the she planned to meal prep with the raviolis he bought for himself and ate?
Surely there must be some underlying reason, it cant just be bad behavior.
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u/Nisi-Marie 9h ago
That was my thought too. It’s reading more of a control issue than anything else. She doesn’t agree with how much he eats, therefore it must be wrong.
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u/SimpleMondayPizza 7h ago
If a man told a woman she was eating too much (food she cooked and paid for) we'd be wanting to kick him out. No way anyone should gatekeep or comment on the quantity of food their partner eats.
Her rules for how much food is an acceptable amount to eat for her own body only apply to her. She gets no say in how much you eat.
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u/Fuzzy_Cantaloupe6353 11h ago
Whats the actual reason she's so mad?
It's a really odd thing to get so bent out of shape over without there being an underlying cause. Perhaps food was scarce as a kid?
You're not the AH at all for being hungry and eating when you're hungry. Here making a big deal of it definitely the AH though.
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u/Better_Philosophy732 11h ago
I think she thinks I'm being selfish for not waiting for us to eat together. She thinks I'm lying about still being hungry when she wants to eat.
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u/MeerKatnip411 9h ago edited 8h ago
But you were GOING TO EAT WITH HER LOL it just wasnt good enough for her. Why am I so second hand offended for you 😂
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u/pinupbuttercup 11h ago
Eating together was a really big deal in my family, it's quite the culture shock when you go into a different family and it's not normal to eat every meal together.
Even down to snacks, if you weren't hungry for your snack at That Time (say 10.30am), there would be no food until the next meal (lunch at 12pm). It becomes a kind of, ritual? Idk what the right word is but I remember being really upset if my ex didn't eat with me during those first few months (yes - MONTHS) when we were together. It felt disrespectful, which I recognise now as silly.
UK resident, btw.
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u/Careful-Use-4913 9h ago
This is how my parents were raised and they are legit horrified by my “laxity” with my kids. My dad would rather kids go hungry than have leftovers. It is so bizarre. He “doesn’t allow” them second helpings of oatmeal in the mornings, because “1 serving is enough.” WTH?!? He “closes the kitchen down” at 9, and expects people who stay up until 2am not to eat again until breakfast. I had to intervene a LOT in order to have my kids not develop disordered eating.
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u/Sea-Operation-6123 11h ago
Why is she suddenly upset about this? Have you never eaten in front of her before y’all moved in together?
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u/Better_Philosophy732 11h ago
I think the frequency is what bothers her, and when we didn't live together she didn't realize how much I ate when she wasn't around. I think she thought I ate one or two big meals a day, when in actuality it is more like three or four.
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u/eightmarshmallows 11h ago
I didn’t grow up with any brothers and I didn’t realize how much boys eat until my sons hit their teens. She might not have ever seen how dudes eat up close and personal, so this may be a shock and she needs to adjust to it.
I think there could be several things going on here. She may have an issue with your weight and be trying to control your eating. She may be concerned about going 50/50 on groceries, which are expensive, when she isn’t even eating half. She may have concerns about your health. If you look at the sodium in prepackaged ravioli, you probably just ate multiple days worth by eating the whole thing. Granted that’s just one meal, but what does your overall diet look like? I don’t know your age and activity level, but six eggs sound like a lot to me, although my sons would definitely eat that many in a sitting if I let them.
If you haven’t already, I would start by splitting grocery costs more equitably based on consumption. It sounds like she should only be paying 25-33%? And have a conversation about what a normal day/week of eating looks like for you and that you do not plan to adjust that so she has a better picture.
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u/FarlerFive 10h ago
Teen girls can eat as much as teen boys. I remember my stepmom being shocked by how much my sister & I ate. She ate like a bird. We were active, in sports, very physically fit & could put down some food. I've seen it with my nieces during their sports seasons.
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u/lihzee 11h ago
How much time passed between you getting home and eating the family sized bag of ravioli and getting pizza? Because I can understand why she'd be surprised that you're hungry if it was a short amount of time. It seems like a lot of food. But I don't think it's something she should be upset about, unless y'all are low on money or something.
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u/Better_Philosophy732 11h ago
I got home from work around 2PM. I ran the dogs before eating the ravioli, and it only takes five minutes to cook. So sometime between 2:30 and 3. She got home around 5:30. I think it was around six when she suggested pizza, and by the time we had our fight and I drove out there and everything it was probably close to seven.
I'm not saying it is or isn't a lot of food, but I was hungry. I worked a long day, and then I went on a run with two very fast dogs. I was truly very hungry.
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u/I_Has_Internets 6h ago
NTA. In addition to what everyone is saying around your caloric needs and metabolism, she needs to get a better understanding of how a package's serving size works. She kept repeating 'enough for four people' but that is not what 'four serving sizes' means. Serving size a lot of times gets used by companies misrepresent the big picture of the food we buy. Usually it's to make high calorie food seem not as bad for you or a small amount of food in a package seem like it can feed more people.
Take this product for example. One serving size is three pieces of ravioli. If you're at a restaurant sharing an appetizer, yeah maybe one person each eats three pieces out of respect and sharing, but most people could easily eat this by themselves.
https://shop.lowesfoods.com/products/farm-rich-toasted-ravioli/3468644
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u/Rainbow_in_the_sky 8h ago
That’s plenty of time after eating the raviolis which isn’t even that much to eat a dinner. If you eat around 2:30pm, that’s a lunch.
My husband is almost 6’ and can absolutely eat a ton of food. Don’t quite understand why your gf is upset. It’s like she’s never seen a tall man eat before. What’s odd is why she’s even mad if you want to eat again. I mean, you got the pizzas for both of you so I’d say she should have just enjoyed it.
Well, good luck, dude. If she’s upset over this, I’m trying to imagine how she’ll react when there’s a real problem in your relationship.
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u/mpebbs 10h ago
Damn, let the man eat! He is not taking food away from anyone, and guess what...they make more and he goes and buys it once he eats it. Her telling him when he can and cannot be hungry is so annoying. Sounds like she is trying to impose her relationship with food on him, and refuses to believe she could possibly be wrong. NTA
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u/Zykium 10h ago
NTA But Ricky, stay away from Julian
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u/Intelligent_Dog4786 9h ago
I mean, nobody wants to admit they ate nine cans of ravioli, but I did. I’m ashamed of myself, , but the first doesn’t count. Then you get to the second then the third. And the fourth and fifth, I think I burned with a blowtorch. And then I just kept eating.
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u/bottle-o-rockets 6h ago
Came here to find this. Had to scroll waaaaay too far if you ask me.
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u/ZealousidealPhase543 10h ago
You are not overweight so whatever you're doing is clearly working. Serving sizes are also ridiculous. Not sure why this is an issue for her. Especially since you're footing the bills. NTA at all and I hope she gets over it. (BTW, I'd be laughing, not complaining. Just saying.)
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u/RareFlea 8h ago
I think the problem lies in the fact that she probably feels rushed to eat the food in the fridge before it’s gone.
I’m dating a 6’3 195lb~ lifter and his caloric needs are obviously higher than mine as a 5’3” woman. My dad weighed even more at 5’11” with a very physical job, but he always let people know if he was finishing something in the fridge, or at the very least, kept leftovers in the fridge for the rest of the family to eat.
I’d be pretty upset if something in the fridge vanished if it was not communicated that the meal was for a single person. It’s like taking something out of inventory at work without marking it, a warning at the minimum would be nice lol.
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u/Sheslikeamom 5h ago
Really? I didn't get that from the post.
She said she'd bake something because he bought an 18 flat of eggs.
That's a "i have to use these up before they go bad" idea not "i have to use these up before he eats them all" idea
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u/ThePythiaofApollo 11h ago
We need more context. My 6’4”brother played on three hockey teams until he got married. He could out eat OP and then some. As others have pointed out, perhaps the girlfriend had scarcity issues in her past. As long as OP’s lifestyle allows for him to not be eating himself into an early grave and his girlfriend isn’t subsidizing his ravioli, I don’t see a problem.
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u/RW318 8h ago edited 4h ago
NAH - It's not about the ravioli. Stop fighting over ravioli, that's dumb and nobody actually cares about the ravioli.
It's about something else..sharing meals together, meal planning being shaken up, finances..whatever. Ask her about her feelings on those things instead and focus on the root of why your appetite upsets or confuses her. That's the part that matters.
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u/Chrisismybrother 8h ago
NTA your girl friend has disordered thinking about food. I raised teen athletes, they needed 5000 calories a day.
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u/Equivalent_Lemon_319 11h ago
I don’t think you’re an asshole but it does sound like you eat a lot. I’d be concerned for your health depending on your activity and metabolism.
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u/JJQuantum NSFW 🔞 11h ago
It depends on his age as well. When I was in high school and college I ate like you wouldn’t believe and weighed 165 lbs. I’d eat 2 footlong subs for lunch and then a 16” pizza for dinner. My mom would buy a 20 piece package of large drumsticks and fry them up. I’d eat 15. Guy in their teens and 20’s, a lot of them, do have incredibly high metabolism and eat a boat load.
OP. If you eat, say, 4x what your gf eats then you need to be paying 4/5 of the grocery bill. As long as you aren’t gaining weight then that’s what should matter, though I do recommend some healthier choices.
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u/spaceylaceygirl 10h ago
He listed his height, weight and activity level. He isn't anywhere near fat and sedentary so he absolutely needs more calories!
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u/yoma74 10h ago
Yeah, I think he should probably sit down with one of the online calculators and input his stats and show her how many calories he needs, and then make a list of the things that he ate and how many calories it is and show her that he’s likely hovering right around where he needs to be.
Unless she has some weird relationship with food where she’s gonna be really really controlling about this, that should be the end of it. She needs to really integrate the idea that he eats more than her and that’s not going to stop.
And then they can make some ground rules like if there’s something she’s looking forward to eating, please leave a serving or two for her.
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u/xdem112 10h ago edited 10h ago
Thank you, everyone is totally ignoring the last paragraph that gives all this info. OP is fit with a maintenance intake of probably around 3500 calories (more likely 3700.)
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u/spaceylaceygirl 10h ago
And let's say the gf is 5'5", 120 lbs. How could she look at her 6'2" boyfriend and think he should only eat as much as her?????
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